TOMMOROW MOURNING (2007)

Look, I don’t want to discourage anyone from their dreams.

If making movies is something you want to do, then get out there and do it. But for god’s sake, don’t make something like TOMORROW MOURNING. And bad filmmaking should be treated like drunk driving: friends don't let friends make shit like this. When you lie to people and tell them what they're doing is good, you'll get TOMORROW MOURNING.

This shot on video mess is like CRASH, I’m guessing. I haven’t seen CRASH but the general jist of it seems the same. Matter of fact, here’s the premise straight from the horse’s mouth:

"premise.
it would seem as if we have control of our own lives and our own destinies. the life we lead is determined by the choices we make. the choices we must make are at times, if not always, somehow connected by the choices of others. do we really control our own fate? or is the randomness of it all so chaotic at first sight, that we cannot see how well organized life is, just below the surface.

this story is a glimpse into the lives of six strangers as they drift through life hoping the next door that opens will be the door to their salvation. they will all, in their own way, come to find that no matter what choices are made, life is not theirs to control. when a person hits the rocky bottom of their life they come to realize that at the bottom is where life truly begins.

each of these six people represent the foundation of the society we live in. more than a story about destiny, more than a story about prejudice and hatred, more than a look into the troubled lives of today's youth, tomorrow mourning is a harsh look into the darkest corners of society. it explores the idea that no part of society is exempt from loss and pain. there are two constants that remain true in all walks of life...time and pain. while time waits for no man, woman or child...pain does not discriminate."

The Kowalski version of the premise? A bunch of terrible actors with gay problems, drug problems, family problems and crime problems and goth problems and religious problems that come together in the same hotel room at the end.

And when I say come, I don’t even mean porno come, because if they did, it would have been a highlight of what could be the worst attempt at filmmaking.

Ever.

Actually, what’s more interesting is how I got the DVD. Walking around a Moviestop, I plucked it out of the comedy section. Apparently the makers of the film were engaging in guerrilla marketing and dropping off free copies in random places (you couldn’t ask anybody to pay for this). They even left a nice little note in Sharpie on the cellophane saying it’s free.

So I took it up to the cashier and said, Hey, it’s free. The Movie Stop employees were like what the fuck? Anyway, I took it home and waited a bit to watch it. Unfortunately, it doesn’t want to work on certain DVD players. After trying the third DVD player in the house, it loaded.

I consider myself an atheist, but I think that God people talk about may have been trying to tell me something. At least the Movie God.

Horrible overacting, cliched and miserable shakycam, a lot of meandering, a terrible script and the bad part is IT’S A FUCKING DRAMA. If you’re going to make a movie and not know how to make one, make aforementioned pornography, cheap gore, even a lame unfunny comedy.

But here’s the real kicker. THE GODDAMN THING IS ALMOST 3 HOURS LONG!

The director and co-writer, David Petlansky, is either the most egotistical man on the planet with a bunch of those friends I mentioned earlier who lie to him or he’s fucking clinically insane. Not only is it almost three hours long, but two discs chock full of crap nobody, not even the parents of everyone involved, would care about. Director and cast commentary, Deleted scenes (!), Behind the Scenes, Outtakes, Interviews.

Jesus Fucking Christ, Petlansky and Company are insane! It’s the only answer for this mess.

If they aren’t insane, it’s astounding how insulated from the real world the filmmakers are. It’s almost worth it to track down a copy to say that you have the worst movie ever made in your collection, with extras to boot. Not to kick a dog when its down, but I was so taken aback by the sheer awfulness of it all that I had to go to the film’s website.

Well, there’s no more website apparently. But there is a Myspace page. And, as no god as my witness, it’s in Myspace Music. Not Myspace Film.

Does the insanity ever stop with these people?

No, because you can go over to Café Press and SHIRTS WITH PICTURES OF PEOPLE FROM THE MOVIE AND THEIR CHARACTER’S NAMES ON THEM! Or the logo of the movie as well. For $19.

I clicked on the TM News button on the site and was taken over to a live journal page which hasn’t been updated for a year.

They sent the frigging thing to Cannes.

But this seals the deal. The people behind this monstrosity are certifiable. On Feb 1, 2007, the director (I’m assuming) wrote:

“i am so confident that tm is going to sneak up and blow some people away.”

You have. My god, you have.

When you make Andy Milligan look like Martin Scorsese, you have blown people away.

Am I being rude? If not blowing smoke up somebody's ass is considered rude nowadays. Unnecessarily mean? Not at all. Somebody has to tell these people that they've made an unwatchable vanity piece that almost begs to be seen just to prove it exists.

They've shown they've got the wherewithall to make a feature. Now they need to get some talent. Or at least work on other people's movies that have it.

My head hurts so much right now thinking about all this,I may sue.